WWJD - Column 1
Uncover the truth! Expose the infidels! If there are no truths or infidels…try and make it believable.
Intrigued? Read on!
I don`t know about you, but I thought it was high time that someone found out what really goes on, behind the scenes, in the canoe club. Who pulls the strings? What gets decided? How many people can fit into a small room and still be comfortable? What can you do with frozen soup? What are texture dreams? Will there be any food served?
Armed with 20(00) years of worldly experience and know-how, an efficient mind that can do about 10 miles to the gallon, a camera, no media or journalism skills, a travelling companion and some haglets (find out later!) we were ready to take on the world, to bring the people to the news, to uncover the truth and expose the infidels!
We thought the best way to go about this was a docudrama, it would be an overly used but light-hearted way to enlighten you folks. But then we found out it was just like any other social, except sitting in Lowri`s room and occasionally talking about useful calendar dates. And no beer. So we didn`t waste the batteries. Actual footage absent, you will just have to believe what you read, otherwise, GO READ THE SUN!
Having cleared up any useful information and calendar events like the Student Rodeo, the Devon Trip, another North Wales Trip AND some mysterious convention in Nottingham (“bring your own guns” – Nathaniel), and all this all within the first 5 minutes of the meeting, the rest of the time was passed putting around ‘refreshing’ ideas for socials and instigating rumours that should last until Easter. Speaking of which, if anyone does have any useful ideas for a social theme post them on the website! So far we are looking at Vikings, Woodland Animals, Come as another person (Controversial!), Superheroes, various ideas to get either the guys or girls in as few clothes as possible but still plausible, and finally, a naked social, courtesy of our Man with a Plan, LP.
Zander was delayed to the meeting by some home-made leek soup (frozen for transport) that tasted absolutely gorgeous, but declined to accept what he later called ‘haglets’.
Yes readers. Investigative journalism is not an easy job, especially on an empty stomach. Just about the only thing that can satisfy these days is haggis, with gravy J Not wanting to leave others out, the leftovers were converted into miniballs to share about. Sceptical of people actually accepting food from a stranger, these ‘haglets’ were disguised as truffles, with the simple application of sprinkled sugar. Take a moment to reflect on this staggering idea of Becci`s! Guilt caught up on the way down the hill however, and the suspicious food was disclosed as haggis to the wonderment of all in the room. However, not ONE single ball was eaten. An attempted nibble followed by retching from Zander convinced everyone else to decline…more`s the pity. And the meeting progressed.
After a brief glimpse at the bright lights of useful talk, the conversation subsided into general banter, inevitably bringing up junk, “so, do any of you have texture dreams?”. Yes? No? Nevermind, until the undisclosed originator of this can come up with something vaguely coherent, feel free to ignore them. Consequently, without any further disclosing of stupidity or ignorance, the first Canoe Club Committee meeting of 2006 was closed, with a general “mm, lets go to the pool now” murmured.
THIS IS A DRAFT, DO NOT HOLD THE WRITER RESPONSIBLE FOR UNFINISHED BUSINESS. DO NOT MAKE IT YOUR OWN EITHER! PEROSNAL SPACE IS A PRIVILAGE, NOT A RIGHT!