Death By Sexy - Column 2

Bringing Sexy Back?

My last article had the sole intention of passing on the few life lessons that I have learnt (admittedly in a bid to gain some good karma, and do my bit for those less aged than I). From here, I realised that the dissertation was something that most would encounter and my exploration of it was passable, but work and play are two separate things, especially for the Club. So I had a think (something I get increasingly less opportunity to do these days, so I thank you for the opportunity to express myself and encourage you to do the same) and realised that the one overarching thing that encompassed my time in the club, and the one thing I have become aware of by absence, is the notion of sexy.

Now please do not misconstrue the intentions of this next installation of Death By Sexy. As many will be all too happy to point out, I possess neither the ability nor the bravery necessary to tackle the issue of “sexy” in such a way as to enlighten those unfamiliar with its implications and causes. Where I am not equipped to assimilate others to the world of sexy, I have enlisted the assistance of Geraint “the sex” Anderson, and for that I must pay tribute to his (publishing) consent, wording, his generosity and mostly, his widely accepted understanding of just what it is to be sexy. At this point, I must also pay mention to Jesus, as a fellow publicist and inspirtation, Becci for her creative input and ever-inspiring presence and to anyone else who has affected this piece.

Personally, I think that this is too much too soon for a budding publicist as I, and I had contemplated passing on the opportunity, but we shirk challenges all too frequently and the ones we do not dismiss usually end badly, so if I am to undertake any challenge, let it be one that doesn’t involve rocks and trees (poor Old Faithful, I’m sorry Linzi, I didn’t mean it!).

Now as I was careful to point out, the name of this column itself may elude some, so I thought it pertinent to begin here. Aside from being the name of the Eagles of Death Metal Album (I highly recommend it, they were awesome at Reading 2007), there was one main reason that I chose this as the title; as Grr has agreed, it represents one of the greatest uses of the word “Sexy” going. This also leads me, rather tediously to the various uses of sexy in the day to day trials and tribulations of Aber Uni Canoe Club.

Apologies, so far this is a little heavy and tedious for even my writing style, but ill press on and hope this pans out ok to the regular mind. Believe me this is as difficult to write as it is to read.

Grr claims that it took the inherent sexiness in the Canoe Club to awaken what sexy he had. One could argue that the relationship was two way, and I like to think that a certain amount of sexiness is interfaced. Certainly, the Canoe Club and its sexiness has affected Grr’s life. Indeed, Grr is happy to admit that, since joining the club:

“Sexy is not just a status, it’s a way of life”.

While verging dangerously on the cliché, I believe Grr has in fact struck upon what it is to be sexy.

As paddlers, you all possess the inherent sexiness that accompanies the kayaking community. The kit, the people and the rivers all ooze a basic level of sexiness, and it does not go unnoticed by all. So what makes the club sexy? And how does sexy affect the club you know and love?

Well, this is where I have to admit that this has been a massive struggle to write, as I'm sure some would have noticed from the haphazard structure and nonsensical content. I am afraid I have to concede to WWJD this week. I do not possess what it takes to explore what it is to be sexy. For the freshers out there, I can only hope that I do not give off an heir of reluctance or cowardice but for someone like me, sexy was a new concept, and one that I most often encountered in the paddling community. Perhaps that is why I cling on to this column, and my paddles a few times a week. Is it why you do too? All I can do at this juncture is quote our guru of sexy and praise his braver efforts at attempting to define what is sexy. As ever, Grr (our former leader) enlightens us:

“Confidence = sexy. People who make the effort to get to know others are sexy. People who try new things and aren't afraid to fail, because whatever the outcome, if your looking sexy that’s all that matters. Oh and naked ladies, they are the most sexy of all. As are: a big smile, black and red knickers, Megz, Sexretary Falls, Rose McGowan, and Werner Sidekicks (in no particular order)!”

I am unsure that any of us can argue to the point where it matters. And I guess that this brings me to the real point of this article – the real advice that I will impart at this point:

Firstly, don’t take on too much. Not only does it mean you stress yourself out, but this makes you feel like bad things feel and apparently, type badly (feel free to argue THIS point and reassure me, but I feel if someone’s going to say it, I should).

Secondly, know what matters. I worried about being able to explore sexiness. I thought that I might ruin sexiness, and therefore be cast to the realms of the unsexy to become the only paddler there. I then realised that, no matter what, the importance of what I do has little bearing on anything (especially given the amount of people who would have stopped reading by now. At this point, I’d like to mention Nicki, because she always said that my emails were too long for her and I thought the joy of reading her name might offer some alleviation and, failing that, she’s missing out on her very own tribute, har har!).

My last piece of advice (though I did hesitate on calling these snippets ‘advice’, as they are but an opinion and, surreally, I urge you to realise what matters) is perhaps the most applicable to the club – don’t be afraid to ask for help.

My intention is not to patronise you all, as no doubt you will have come across these statements before, and as a fervent Briton, with the reserved attitudes that accompany that, I cannot do this often myself, but I conceded that, when it came to being sexy, Geraint Anderson knew the score. So I urge you, if you want to know about sexy, ask him. If you want to know about anything else, ask…well, me. But that’s just because I enjoy attempting answers.

I cannot apologise enough for this lacklustre attempt at what I had hoped would be an enlightenment unto all. You may wonder why I would publish something I was unhappy with? Well I ask you this:
If you only did things you were happy with, how sexy would you really be?
I give you a visual aid, with which I both end this article (as always, requesting some form of feedback, so I know what not to do again – namely; most of this) and contemplate the closing question about our reluctance to leave ourselves vulnerable: